Where have I been?

Well, I've been busy.

I've been applying to law school. What a fucking pain. I've been doing a lot of work, trying to graduate. And I've been working for very low compensation. I've been, basically, not myself.

I've never been a busy person. I've always been the person who managed to have free time when everyone else was hiding out, camping under textbooks, working too much. This may be why I failed out of college the first time.

I've always had interests. I have this coat. It's from dollar a pound. It's a long winter coat, but it's a petite so the sleeves are real short and the proportions are off. However, if I cut it to hip length, take in the back, move the sleves in and crop them to bracelet length, trim the edges with some kind of piping, and use the excess to make a mid-length skirt, it would be the sexy hotness as a winter-weight suit.

I have the knowledge. The materials are no problem. What is a problem is the time.

I like to paint. To cook. To bake. I want to start running. I want to get fucking drunk one more damned time. I want to go out with my friends. I'd like to actually be able to become friends with people, instead of just being on the precipice. I want to see a movie. I want to read a book for pleasure. I want to watch television for an hour when I get out of work, without feeling guilty.

I want to watch the still cello-wrapped zombie movies that sit on my fucking coffee table. I want to relax.

But I can't. I don't have the time or energy for what I have to do. Maybe I should start abusing licit substances. From my reading, although there's no guarantee that I understand it, if you don't have the natural propensity to be an addict, you may not experience ill effects from drug use, such as dependency. Which is why I'd sure like some, maybe, ritalin or something. I think that would work. Or even ephedra. That stuff was fucking sweet. Take it all day and all night, and it didn't matter if you slept. It didn't just keep you awake- it kept you from getting tired.

If I could maybe use all 24 hours of each day, I may be able to get through this month without doing any harm to myself or my future.