Holy shit: All I need to know about psychology I learned in the promotional aisle at CVS

I never understood the phrase "boggle the mind" until I went to CVS today. I was looking for a pop-up laundry hamper. They sometimes sell them in the bargain or seasonal aisle. I was walking past a display of mini-grills (hibachis and psuedo-hibachis) when I came upon something that had a peculiar neurological effect. It actually caused the neurons of my brain to pop up and rearrange to accomodate the new information, a la Boggle.

A la serious cognitive dissonance. Cognitive dissonance is the phenomenon where an extant mental schema conflicts (is not consonant) with new information. It's an uncomfortable situation for the brain, which attempts to reconcile the two cognitions. In this case, I had an existing schema, which assumed that though unjust and chaotic, certain forces will tend to stabilize and normalize most of civilization along easily understood grounds.

Then, a new observation, yielding new information, and birthing dissonance:

Hot Dog Toaster.

Not a toaster shaped like a hot dog. Not a toaster for hot dog buns. A toaster that cooks two hot dogs at a time. And does nothing else. Look carefully at the picture. There are no slots that would accommodate a normal piece of bread. This toaster does not produce toast. It cannot be used to produce toast, and also hot dogs, in the way that the breakfast sandwich toaster (also a terrible idea) can be used to fry an egg and heat ham while making toast. It can only be used to make hot dogs.

Not grill, not steam, not fry hot dogs. Toast hot dogs. One might argue that the actual difference between grilling and toasting is small. But I believe that the line between grilling and toasting, while permeable, should only be permeable in one direction. While things that may be toasted mostly taste wonderful grilled (corn muffins, bagels, bread), those things that are meant to be grilled should not be toasted. And yet here is something meant solely to toast that which shouldn't be toasted. That which was never meant to be toasted.

But moral concerns aside, there is the question of utility. Not just of the appliance itself (I have made hot dogs. Hot dogs...sweat...when you cook them. They drip something that can't quite be easily described. There are some lipids, sure, in hot dog sweat. And water is a component. Definite condensation. It beads on the surface. But also other compounds, surely.

So this sweat may drip to the bottom of the hot dog toaster, combine with bun crumbs, and create some evil sludge. Do you clean the crumb tray of your bread toaster as often as manufacturer reccommended? I don't. So obviously, I could not be trusted with a hot dog toaster.

But who could? Who SHOULD? who needs a hot dog toaster? Even among people who consume hot dogs with enough regularity, enough passion, to justify owning a hot-dog dedicated appliance- for whom is a hot dog toaster the right choice? Hot dogs can be made without a stove. It takes a hot plate and any kind of pan. If you have a pan, and a heat source, you have hot dog accessibility. No hot plate? Microwave? If you don't have a heat source, or access to a heat source, and you live indoors, and you have access to electricity, should increased hot-dog eating convenience really be a priority?

I lived in an apartment without a kitchen for ten months. I bought a hot plate and an electric skillet. I cooked two meals a day with ease. I had full hot dog capability, even then. No need for a dedicated hot dog appliance, and surely not a toaster.

When dissonance arises, the natural response is to attempt to reduce dissonance. This can happen in a variety of ways: denial of the new information, denial of prior belief, etc.

Immature reactions to the dissonant effects of hot dog toaster:

"There is no hot dog toaster. I am dreaming, or possibly on drugs. I never saw a hot dog toaster."

"I always knew that toasting hot dogs was not only reasonable, but a bargain at 9.99"

"I always put my hot dogs in the toaster. It is a normal and natural and patriotic thing to do"

A mature reaction would incorporate the new information provided by hot dog toaster into the existing schemas that it relates to.

"Buns are like bread, and bread can be toasted. Toasting hot dog buns is part of what some people would like a toaster to do"

"Toasting hot dogs is possible."

I haven't incorporated hot dog toaster into my greater toaster schema. This is alright. I am embracing the discomfort. I am allowing the dissonance. I refuse to deny or forget that hot dog toaster is a part of the world I live in. It's probably in several fine people's kitchens right now.

Boggled.

BOGGLED.

HOT DOG TOASTER.