Tomorrow is my last day as a barista.
So Hobobarista, although I love it, rhythmically, doesn't really work, factually.
I need suggestions.
Hobolawstudent, though the name of my other blog, won't work for a display name.
Thursday, June 22, 2006
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
Tittycake: an essential recipe.
For my party this past weekend, I made a tittycake. You can make a tittycake, too! I used my Betty Crocker Bake 'N' Fill pan. You don't have to, but it helps.
Tittycake
Half Gallon, Chocolate Ice Cream
Pint, Vanilla Ice Cream
Mini m&ms.
Chocolate or Caramel Sauce
Oreo cookies, one half-box.
Chocolate chips, one half-bag.
Marshmellow Fluff, one jar.
Powdered Sugar, a lot.
Food coloring, red and yellow.
You'll need either a Bake N Fill pan, with the dome pan, or a large mixing bowl, smaller bowl, and a round cake pan, plenty of plastic wrap, and room in your freezer. I recommend having lots of your favorite dishwashing detergent around, because the whole marshmellow fluff process is a mess.
Move both cartons of ice cream (the cheap kind works best because it softens faster) into the refrigerator to soften. This takes about an hour. Drape the large mixing bowl with plastic wrap, so that when filled with ice cream, there is no ice cream-bowl contact. Make sure there is some overhang. Fill the bowl just about half-full with ice cream.
Cover the bottom of the second bowl in plastic wrap. Then put that second bowl on top of the ice cream in the bowl.
Pat ice cream down between the two bowls. Then, place plastic wrap over the second bowl, and fill entirely full with the other flavor of ice cream.
Put the whole shebang into the freezer. For at least three hours. Overnight is nice. The more expensive your ice cream, the longer you should refreeze it. Mine cost a dollar.
While freezing that magilla, you can do the other steps. Crush the fuck out of your cookies. I did that with a wooden spoon inside a heavy coffee cup. Melt the chocolate and mix with the crushed up oreos, and press all of that into the bottom of the cake pan. Put into the freezer.
When your ice cream sections are hard, very carefully remove them from the bowls, and take off all plastic wrap. Remove the crunchy chocolate cake pan from the fridge. Place the ice cream from the smaller bowl in the center of the crunchy chocolate layer. Cover with your chocolate or caramel sauce, and your mini m&ms. Place the larger ice cream dome over the small one. Replace in freezer.
Put about a cup or a cup and a half of marshmellow fluff into a greased mixing bowl. With a greased knife, spatula, or spoon, begin mixing powdered sugar into the fluff. Continue mixing powdered sugar into the fluff (it may take up to two cups) until it becomes doughy, possessing these characteristics:
1. Not sticky to the touch.
2. Powdery on the outside
3. Fairly solid.
It should be stiffer than play-dough. At this point, transfer your fluff-dough into a microwaveable bowl (greased!) if it wasn't in one before. Maybe I should put that above instead of having you do it now.
Anyway, pop that all in the microwave for 10-20 seconds. The powdered sugar will melt into the fluff, making it very warm, and shiny. Very shiny. Add two drops of red food coloring and one drop of yellow and begin mixing the colors in. It is useful to put gloves or plastic bags on your hands and kneed the dough. But the dough will be VERY warm. Separate a small amount, for the nipple, a
nd add one more drop of red dye, and work in.Place the flesh-colored fluff dough between sheets of waxed paper or greased plastic wrap. Roll into a thin, thin layer.
Mold the pink dough into your nipple. I use some little m&ms to help shape the nipple, and differentiate it from the aereola.
Open your freezer door. Drape the flesh colored part over the ice cream part. Smooth. Trim with a knife. Affix the nipple to the titty with a touch of the caramel or chocolate sauce.
When you have finished, this diagram indicates the composition of the finished titty cake.
a) layer of caramel and mini m&ms.
b) vanilla ice cream
c) chocolate crunchy layer
d) fluff dough layer (unfortunately, not tasty)
e)chocolate ice cream layer.
It is delightful.
It is best to let the whole thing chill for a few hours before serving.
A list of things that my boyfriend does not like about me.
By Hobo Barista
Age 23.
1. I leave knives around. Because I might need them again soon, and don't want to have to wash them again. But sometimes I forget. He doesn't like this.
2. I use the wrong knives for the wrong tasks. I will use any knife at hand to do anything. But last week I used a proper knife to cut onions, and then I cut my fingers. So no lesson was learnt.
3. I slam the toilet seat down when I enter his bathroom. He says I should do it more gently.
4. I leave the bathroom door open after I leave it. He worries his parrot will get into the toilet and drown. His parrot has trouble making it into the hallway.
5. I am always late to be anywhere. Always. Which is not true. I am on time for work. He's just not at my work, so he doesn't notice.
6. I watch shows on discovery health, about super-obese people, birth defects, and abnormalities. He does not find these programmes enriching in the least.
7. I watch medical fictional shows, like "House" and "ER", obsessively. He does not support this.
8. If the New Jersey Nets were in the NBA finals against the LA Lakers, I would cheer for the lakers.
9. I put raw sliced tomatoes on everything. Apparently, this is not done. But this is something that Bolivians do. And he likes Bolivians fine.
10. I watch movies that are not good, movies that are good, and movies that are very bad. He likes films with either character development or subtitles and extreme violence. I like movies with sound, but I'll do without. I like nearly all movies.
11. Sometimes, I don't stick up for myself.
12. I do stick up for Ted Kennedy.
13. I make excuses to do nothing but play the Sims 2. Even when he would like to use his computer to play his video games.
14. I get stomach aches all the time, and then yell at his toilet. He finds this excessive, as he only needs to make a bowel movement quarterly, as do all republicans.
Age 23.
1. I leave knives around. Because I might need them again soon, and don't want to have to wash them again. But sometimes I forget. He doesn't like this.
2. I use the wrong knives for the wrong tasks. I will use any knife at hand to do anything. But last week I used a proper knife to cut onions, and then I cut my fingers. So no lesson was learnt.
3. I slam the toilet seat down when I enter his bathroom. He says I should do it more gently.
4. I leave the bathroom door open after I leave it. He worries his parrot will get into the toilet and drown. His parrot has trouble making it into the hallway.
5. I am always late to be anywhere. Always. Which is not true. I am on time for work. He's just not at my work, so he doesn't notice.
6. I watch shows on discovery health, about super-obese people, birth defects, and abnormalities. He does not find these programmes enriching in the least.
7. I watch medical fictional shows, like "House" and "ER", obsessively. He does not support this.
8. If the New Jersey Nets were in the NBA finals against the LA Lakers, I would cheer for the lakers.
9. I put raw sliced tomatoes on everything. Apparently, this is not done. But this is something that Bolivians do. And he likes Bolivians fine.
10. I watch movies that are not good, movies that are good, and movies that are very bad. He likes films with either character development or subtitles and extreme violence. I like movies with sound, but I'll do without. I like nearly all movies.
11. Sometimes, I don't stick up for myself.
12. I do stick up for Ted Kennedy.
13. I make excuses to do nothing but play the Sims 2. Even when he would like to use his computer to play his video games.
14. I get stomach aches all the time, and then yell at his toilet. He finds this excessive, as he only needs to make a bowel movement quarterly, as do all republicans.
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