An explanation for female people:
This is Ben Wallace.
Ben Wallace is a center for the Detroit Pistons. Ben Wallace is a large man, although small for a center. Boys told me that. Ben Wallace has formidable hair. Very early in this season, Ben Wallace revealed to the world a great evil, and, in the revelation of that evil, ameliorated it for a time. That evil was Ron Artest, and for that, and that alone, I will always feel a great affection for Ben Wallace. But, for the second season in a row, the Pistons find themselves in the finals, against a team that everyone predicted will crush them. As of yet, they have not. And now, I shall procede with the blogging.
I know why the Pistons won the last two games. I know why, even though sports pundits (spundits? spoondits?) predicted the series would end in five, it will go to seven. The reason is Ben Wallace. And not just the sheer wall of muscle that, by force of will, has coalesced into more than six and less than seven feet of center; but something slightly less tangible. Something that might yeild to the touch (tangination?). Something that might some day turn gray. I'm talkin' bout the 'fro.
And if Hello had worked when I first started fighting with it...I would have been the first to say so. Instead, all these other folks have been stealing the novelty of my (!) original insight, and making ME seem slow.
The Mercury News reported this quote from the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinal
''That's what she said," Ben Wallace recounted. "She said let your hair down and go out there and play some basketball . . . or else you can't eat."
Since eating is something that Ben Wallace takes rather seriously, he decided to heed his wife's suggestion. As it turned out, it was definitely a Fear the `Fro night for the first time in the series."
-Tom Enlund, Milwaukee Journal Sentinal
Since eating is something that Ben Wallace takes rather seriously, he decided to heed his wife's suggestion. As it turned out, it was definitely a Fear the `Fro night for the first time in the series."
-Tom Enlund, Milwaukee Journal Sentinal
It was a night to fear the 'fro. And I called it from the moment he took the court. I called my boyfriend before the game began. I asked him "Tell me, have you seen Ben Wallace? Have you seen the hair?" He hadn't. We waited. The hair was out. It was amazing. I told him, before the ...whatsitcalled...when the game starts and the guys jump up...what the result would be.
The fro. The fro has the power. As my diagram above reveals, Ben Wallace's power emanates from his 'fro. The hair itself, when unfurled, acts as a powerful antenna. It channels various forces to allow him, and his teammates, to commit unprecedented feats of basketball. It works by drawing the energy from other players both bench players on Detroit and other basketball players not playing that night. That's why it works best in the later rounds of the playoffs- fewer other players playing. Additionally, the stronger the east, the more strength for the Pistons to draw on. The east was great this year, what with Shaq and Gary and Al and gahhhhhh....let's admit it...Lebron....and others. The 'fro also works as a potent conduit for Soul-onium, the essence of soul. This is also shown in my drawing. It looks like a skull or a ghost, because most of the unused souls in the NBA come from New Jersey, LA and Indiana, so they've been dead for a long time.
I also put a flaming basketball in there, because I think it's pretty cool.
The fro. The fro has the power. As my diagram above reveals, Ben Wallace's power emanates from his 'fro. The hair itself, when unfurled, acts as a powerful antenna. It channels various forces to allow him, and his teammates, to commit unprecedented feats of basketball. It works by drawing the energy from other players both bench players on Detroit and other basketball players not playing that night. That's why it works best in the later rounds of the playoffs- fewer other players playing. Additionally, the stronger the east, the more strength for the Pistons to draw on. The east was great this year, what with Shaq and Gary and Al and gahhhhhh....let's admit it...Lebron....and others. The 'fro also works as a potent conduit for Soul-onium, the essence of soul. This is also shown in my drawing. It looks like a skull or a ghost, because most of the unused souls in the NBA come from New Jersey, LA and Indiana, so they've been dead for a long time.
I also put a flaming basketball in there, because I think it's pretty cool.
[NBA]
2 comments:
I am one of the spoondits who told you the Spurs would win in five. Had I known Ben Wallace's handsome and powerful afro would be coming out in game three, I might have revised this prediction. The Spurs are not necessarily outmatched, but they are definitely outcoiffed singlehandedly by Big Ben. It's no damned contest.
Ben Wallace has the afro flying high tonight, but is it enough to save Detroit? The Spurs just hit a big three point basket in overtime, and ... and now there's a "Land of the Dead" commercial on ... and now there's less than 5 seconds left for Detroit to score ... and ... no! Ben will have to take his Texas sized afro to San Antonio for game 6!
And now, I go from my spoondit role to my worker bee roles.
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