Antoine is gone.

Antoine Walker is now officially not a Celtic.

He's on the Miami Heat.

With Shaq. And that other guy. And there's absolutely no one on that team I can think of him becoming friends with, eating pie with, maybe taking a hot, soapy shower with.

He will be missed.

Here are the two major predicted effects this will have on my life. (Other than sadness, betrayal, muttered threats against Danny Ainge, worries about Paul Pierce, and more frequent dreams about basketball than zombies for a while)

1. The New Jersey Nets (otherwise known as the devil) will not ascend to the NBA finals for a few years. The strengthened Heat will keep the evil men from the Meadowlands down for a while, with the help of the valiant Mr. Walker. (and not entirely unaided by the stalled trade for Shareef) This is a good thing. I am overcome by bittersweet feelings of abandonment and hope. Maybe I'll listen to some Simon and Garfunkle or something.

2. I will, in a gesture of deep sadness, eat three pounds of M&M's. In one day. People have told me that this is impossible. People have advised me not to even try. I think these nay-sayers are simply confusing the meanings of 'can't' and 'shouldn't'. I certainly SHOULDN'T eat three pounds of M&M's, but I certainly CAN.