A list of things that my boyfriend does not like about me.

By Hobo Barista
Age 23.

1. I leave knives around. Because I might need them again soon, and don't want to have to wash them again. But sometimes I forget. He doesn't like this.

2. I use the wrong knives for the wrong tasks. I will use any knife at hand to do anything. But last week I used a proper knife to cut onions, and then I cut my fingers. So no lesson was learnt.

3. I slam the toilet seat down when I enter his bathroom. He says I should do it more gently.

4. I leave the bathroom door open after I leave it. He worries his parrot will get into the toilet and drown. His parrot has trouble making it into the hallway.

5. I am always late to be anywhere. Always. Which is not true. I am on time for work. He's just not at my work, so he doesn't notice.

6. I watch shows on discovery health, about super-obese people, birth defects, and abnormalities. He does not find these programmes enriching in the least.

7. I watch medical fictional shows, like "House" and "ER", obsessively. He does not support this.
8. If the New Jersey Nets were in the NBA finals against the LA Lakers, I would cheer for the lakers.

9. I put raw sliced tomatoes on everything. Apparently, this is not done. But this is something that Bolivians do. And he likes Bolivians fine.

10. I watch movies that are not good, movies that are good, and movies that are very bad. He likes films with either character development or subtitles and extreme violence. I like movies with sound, but I'll do without. I like nearly all movies.

11. Sometimes, I don't stick up for myself.

12. I do stick up for Ted Kennedy.

13. I make excuses to do nothing but play the Sims 2. Even when he would like to use his computer to play his video games.

14. I get stomach aches all the time, and then yell at his toilet. He finds this excessive, as he only needs to make a bowel movement quarterly, as do all republicans.